Of Knitting,Thieving, and Changes.

Hello Internet,

As reminiscent as that statement seems, it doesn't feel appropriate anymore. This site was made to bitch and moan about Junior year. About all the people you meet and the changes that affect life. Somewhere along the way I lost that. So in true Hunter fashion, I've stolen some of Edwards magic and I'm starting over. Abandoning the ship with 57 days to spare.
We all know that I'm changing schools next year, I'm not subtle about it. I was determined to stick this blog out, but I hate it! I hate the posts, I hate the words. This isn't a good space anymore, there is so much spite and pain here now. I want to start over, I want to have a clean slate where the past doesn't affect the present. I'm going to make a new blog, and focus on new things.
I'm going to make this a brainstorm post, and I'll add the url for the new blog soon.

• Weekly knitting pattern
• bigger projects get more time 
• blankets/sweaters/etc
• Fashion
• OOTD(?)
• Current styles I'm loving
• How to dress up a band shirt Saturday(?)
• Quotes!
• Weekly themes that have quotes!
• 5 sentence Life updates
• One paragraph to talk about the big events (daily?)
• Week wrap up
• summary of the week
• pro/con list
• weekend forecast + week to come
• Book club
• monthly book to read
• review of last month's book
• whats on my To Read list

• Sundays for TV and movies
• What shows am I watching
• What did I think of the latest episode
• What movies did I see that week
• What did I think
• Life stories
• only the big ones
• first kisses/family dinners/etc
• Embellishments
• NANOWRIMO
• IMPORTANT NEWS
• whats going on in the world 
• whats important
• how to help
• Story talks 
• what am I working on
• how do i work characters 
• Tuesday is anime day
• What am I watching
• What manga am I reading
• reviews
• what's on my list to watch next

That list is just a few things we can expect from the new space. 

Now I have to figure out what to call it.
UPDATE: It's called Unraveling

Song of the day is Heat of the Moment by Asia
Goodbye old blog.

-xohunter

Living on the Silver Lining.

Hey.

Something I've come to realise in the last three months is, nothing is ever what it seems. I've created my own world, a bubble where the most drama comes from my mother, people aren't mean without a reason, and everything works out. I believe that with all my heart, everything works out. It's come to my attention that not everyone thinks that way. Some people are determined to live through the apocalypse, so they make one.

All the Chicken Littles screaming about the sky and how it's falling. It never falls, crumbles a little bit? Sure, that's what happens when somethings billions of years old, it's bound to get a little decrepit.

What I'm trying to say is that it's never the end. No matter how bleak things may look, there is always a way out. Nothing will be handed to you, but if you believe you'll be able to do great things, you will. You can't control life, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself. Take responsibility for your mistakes, and move on. Ratify them if you can, and keep going.

This is a shorter post than normal because some personal life stuff reminded me that some people need reminding about faith.

Song of the day is Folkin Around by Panic! at the Disco.
-xohunter

.deep breath.

Whew.

Hey Internet,

I know our last update was heavy, I kinda left you out on the ledge. Hope you can forgive me that indiscretion, I haven't felt like updating until now. Personally, I still don't want to update. I just want to let this thing rust and fall back into obscurity, but who would I be if I let that happen? Plus I have some renewed vigor thanks to the amazing web comic called Check Please! (Please check this out, it has everything you'd ever need, and pie.) The main character Eric "Bitty" Bittle is a vlogger/blogger by trade. He mainly blogs about recipes and any juicy drama going on with his college hockey team. I connect with this character, mainly because I've given myself the small mission in life of documenting my teen laments for posterity's sake.

Now onto bigger news, I'm transferring schools! Yep, that's right it's finally happened. Hunter L. Baugus will be joining normal people school this coming August. Edwards thinks the structure will be good for me, I can't help but agree. With all the freedoms Ipoly offered me it didn't give me the ability to have little boxes to separate work and play. I hope everything goes well next August, my first public school experience left much to be desired. Plus, I now have even bigger targets on my head. The chubby-pansexual-feminist-drama kid. What a nom de plume.

I'm going to start looking for a job soon, it's March, which is a good time to submit applications for the spring season. My stomach churns just thinking about leaving the safety of Ipoly. I'm going to forcefully evacuate myself into the vacuum of the real world. Talk about bad ideas with noble intentions. Honestly the job scares me less than the aspect of having to go through senior year at a public school. I know it's not that bad (and Ipoly was a public school too, a weird public school, but a public school none the less.) I just don't know how I'm going to get along with people that are already there. The usual garbage is floating in my brain "What if they don't like me???!??!!?" Well I already know that some people there are just going to hate me on the spot (if they remember me) so what's the point in worrying, they don't like me anyway.

I like me though, and although we've surly hit some rough patches, I think I'm turning into an okay adult. (Even though I have yet to make myself food, and I'm avoiding my homework because I don't know what it is....) I hope this is the right way to do this.

Okay that's enough babbling for this update, I understand that I haven't really addressed what's been happening in my absence, the answer is confusing so instead I leave you with a playlist (to make up for the missed "song of the day"s.)
The playlist can be found on pucksdaughter at 8tracks
-xohunter

Spin.

Being out sick for three days is a death wish, and it's one that I signed.

There are a lot of things going on in the nothing right now. I'm becoming more self aware and I keep finding that I love/hate it. I'm falling more and more in love with my friends, because honestly they are amazing. I hardly deserve their unending support. I think that it something that I figured out, that it is unending. Whenever I think they're mad at me they most likely aren't and I need to stop being so obsessive in that matter.
On top of that little matter, I think I'm starting to figure out what triggers my mood swings and I'm learning to isolate those things and stop them. Hard work, but worth it in the end.
Things feel weird now that I'm encroaching on adulthood. For one, my grades are kinda shit right now, mostly my fault with the hand of fate mixed in. As well as my science teacher making incomplete work a zero. That's really stupid and frustrating because even if I give effort, it doesn't matter because his homework isn't based on effort, it's based on completion. There is very little hope of me bringing those grades up by the end of the semester, as it concludes formally on Tuesday. Whatever, beds made, so I'm laying in it.
I think that's the change, there used to be this rush to make everything perfect and a panic if I didn't have the time. Now it's just acceptance. I fucked up, I'm going to have a hell of a time taking summer school, oh well. I'm kinda hoping mom will let me transfer second semester, I don't think she will. With the grades I have now I won't graduate Ipoly. How weird that I'm not as panicked as I should be.
I'm hoping for the best and throwing myself into making it better. I think if I can pull out second semester with and AP or higher I won't have to repeat the class. Not sure though...

Just updates happening in this post I guess, minor ones.
Song of the day Favorite Record by Fall Out Boy
-XOhunter

UPDATE:
Because of my mood swings and the insecurities I've been having I feel into the trap of being an emotionally manipulative, creepy, horrible, scuzzball.  Honestly I've lynched people for less than the things I've done. And karma got back at me good, and I lost three very good friends because of my actions. They had every right to do this and with the knowledge I now possess, the only thing I can do is plunge into the murky depths of the future with renewed purpose. To never hurt anyone else like I hurt them.
Hard work. So worth it in the end.
I'm adding this onto the post because I think it ties in nicely with growing up. You don't just learn the good things, you learn the bad things too. Now I have a choice, and I'm going to make the right one.
Song of the day Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy.
-xohunter

The Madness of Two.

Who wants to hear you sing about tragedy?

Words to sum up the last two weeks, yep it’s been another friend dropping, low self esteem nightmare. Detox just to retox has apparently become my banner call. I’m just trying to get by living, doing everything I can to stay alive. Vivian, Danny, and Peyton keep up with the “It’s okay, we’re friends, it’s okay…” They’re right of course, it’s to be expected. I’m not supposed to be happy, I’m the artist. This leads us to some new possibilities.

The second song on Fall Out Boy’s Folie a Deux is I Don’t Care. Maybe that is how I have to go about this, the staggering heights and the hellish lows all culminating into I Don’t Care. Even last night, I felt like I was intruding on someone’s good time, and like I shouldn’t be there at all. There was this weight on my chest that was keeping me from speaking, and gods do I wish that I could have said something. I didn’t run away though, I kept my promise.

That’s just who I am, a person. I ultimately love every part of myself, but I don’t think my friends should have to deal with me like they obviously do. With soft smiles, and mild words. Like you would treat someone who would shatter at any moment. Someone who could be knocked out with a feather.

America’s Sweethearts is next on my list of maddeningly accurate Fall Out Boy songs. Nothing describes me more than “I’m in love with my own sin.” But still it’s the favorite of so many fans, and even the band loved that album (before it got so much hate.) I feel just like it, underappreciated and a little hurt by the reaction to me most of the time. It’s completely understandable though, I live on such a sensitive scale. One gram off, and the whole thing is thrown out of whack.

Essentially I’m trying to say that I am totally the album Folie a Deux.

Which is funny because that’s what the Song of the day is, that whole fucking album. Check it out wherever you can

Folie a Deux by Fall Out Boy.

-xohunter

The Summer Narrative. (August)

I know I promised you would get to hear the end of it, and I'm going to condense it for you, but summer can't relived. It was a magical experience but the more I write about it, the less magical it becomes. So I'm going to stop it here.
The end of it was that I met three wonderful people (more then that but those are the important faces) had some very strange experiences like dining with complete and perfect strangers. Staying out until one in the morning, walking home when I didn't know the way. (I was completely lost and hurt and pissed off.)
Looking at the experience now, I wouldn't change it for the life of me. It was being sixteen and wild and a little bit reckless. And it was truly magic. I saw white rocks and love and spirits. I felt connected and alive. There were people who I still think about, like the little Russian who just wanted to be a hard worker. He loved labor, and it was something that made him feel like a warrior. I met a kid who was trying to figure himself out and be kind to the world and change himself (He was a little bit strange, but it was the strangeness that drew me to him in the first place.)
There was the kind hearted scruffy guy, who was actually one of the people I had the deepest conversations with. He was so smart but didn't ever show it, we saw three baby deer in the hillside while searching for my friend. He kept me company because he wanted me to feel safe. There was the weird kid who fell in love while we were there, and had his heart broken when we left. He was sweet, if only a little naive. He felt like she was impossible, and he was right. I met a young girl who was messed up, but changing (I saw her change too, she's growing up fast.) She inspired me to be myself.
That was the summer narrative, the story was in the people I met and the way we connected in the short time I was there. Bobbi pointed out to me that they all respected each other and tried to be kind, I think that was true, at the end of it all.
Song of the day is Tides by The XX
-xohunter

Drugstore Perfume.(12*10*14)

It started with the slipping.
In and out of consciousness, in and out of dream states. The confusion of what I was hearing and seeing to what I was feeling. Like actually feeling, the cotton sofa cushion from my bedroom on came into clear view when my grandfather was yelling at me to get up and ready for school. Next came the texts from Vivian, those weren't really strange, but the way time moved was. It was fast paced ( I was late and moving as quickly as I could, but still had time to look at the texts and respond?) Turns out I wasn't late at all, I was early? Which didn't make sense, my grandpa even said I was late.

Vivian had unconsciously suggested a setting of intent for the day. She said it was going to be a good day and she was going to have fun. I looked at my sock and noticed a small hole in it, I felt an instant connection and understood that I felt like that little hole. Which was weird, and I decided that was going to be my day. Strangeness because emotionally connect with a sock is a little bit odd. I guess I didn't really know what I was asking for because I got it.
Starting in science. I've missed a lot of school due to sickness and familial issues and stuff, Mr. Pang noticed and was a little upset about it. He quickly changed the subject to that of the test, "You were here to learn everything so I should give you the test," He said, my grades hanging in the balance,
"But I'm not going to, you can take it next week if you tell me right now what day you're taking it."
I nodded furiously and scheduled my make up test for next Tuesday.

Thanking the god/desses of luck for smiling on me at that moment. I took my seat at the back of the class, rapidly copying notes from Bailey in hopes of getting some credit on my notebook. When I look up and see a crow. A little omen maybe? I look back down trying to figure out if I could draw stick figures before third block, when I looked up and there were two crows. Large crows, might I add. Then there were five and they all took flight giving way to even more crows. I stopped counting after 10 but I'm sure there were more. That was odd, I mouthed to Vivian and discreetly motioned to the crows. She nodded and I went back to spacing out.
Song of the day is actually a playlist found on Grooveshark.
-xohunter

Break Time

Hello wonderful human.
So I live in America, home of the capitalist and dirty cop/politician/teacher. We get one week off (depending on your school code or whatever) because some asshole decided to commit genocide on and indigenous population. (Christopher "The OG Fuckboi" Columbus) Now this is not to remember this tragady and promote awareness for the current state of said Native population (Check out this resource pack to educate yourself on their culture this week), but instead it is to uphold the image of the sham that was the first feast with the pilgrims (the 100 British men who settled in Virginia before it was Virginia) shared with their Native friends. When in actuality it was the wise Natives who shared with the European savages who forgot that winter was a thing. They essentially held the Natives at gun point and told them to plant corn. (assholes)

Now that we've established that "Thanksgiving" is fucking stupid, let's continue.

We get a break during this week so we can over indulge on food on Thursday, and then the following Friday spend money to boost the winter sales of businesses. Students know it as the last week before hell. Because, like spring break, thanksgiving break means hellish amounts of work before winter break. I personally don't like to think about it because it's kind of a downer. So instead I spend the week living like I will die the following Monday morning. Exorbitant food, movies, and candy. This year I was also going to try and get a date or two, but I've decided to postpone until further notice.

As it so happens I may acutally get time to update the blog, and depending on my mood, fill in some of the gaps that may have appeared over the course of Junior year.

Also I'm starting the count down until the end of Junior year (I'm going to try and find a widget too).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6 MONTHS 11 DAYS TO GO UNTIL THE END.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's it for me today kiddos, be save this next week and if you're in America, go volunteer and feed the less fortunate.
Song of the day is I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy, And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me by Fall Out Boy
-XOhunter

Better Late Than Never.

Sometimes I'm really good at writing.

Other times I leave things to collect dust and claim that "The idea just wasn't good enough" or "This just shouldn't get posted." Because you get taught that, no you don't have to publish everything. It's about quality not quantity. I'm all caught up in a world that wants me to quantify myself. Quantify my answers, quantify my plan for the next ten years. I'd rather have more to build off of, than try and build from perfection.

So I left summer spaces to rot, because everything that was happening was happening so quickly. I was also really fucking sad, and trying to convince myself not to be so I wouldn't drag down my friends. Now I realize how stupid that was. I couldn't make myself happy for them, because I was focusing on them. Trying to be perfect for them, turns out that I needed to look at myself and become happy for me. And how do I get anything done? Quantity. Do a lot and make it count.

So that's what I'm going to do. Because it's stupid to let the worlds need for perfection run my life. I'm so not perfect and that's great. Now I have something to build off of. You can't make a diamond any shinier, but you sure as hell can get broken glass pretty sparkly. I'll take all these little pieces I deemed unworthy or grotesque and I'll post them anyway.

Because that's the only way I'll get stuff done, if I do it a lot.

Onwards and Upwards.

Song of the day is Miracle Mile by Cold War Kids

-xoHunter

Feelings to a lesser degree.

Friendship is a weird thing.
You love your friends with all your heart, you'd kill for them, you'd die for them. Sometimes this message gets lost in the sea of tomfoolery that is high school. That is what is happening to me.

There are a few things you have to know about me and how I operate before my take on friendship actually makes sense.

1) I am sticky.
When I get into a relationship of any kind (friendship,mateship, new parental figureship) I will extensively evaluate who they are, what they believe, and how good of a person they are. I normally have a pretty good judge of character so if you pass my test, you are automatically in my inner circle. That being said, my inner circle is relatively small (for me anyway) because the test isn't easy to pass. Most people don't and they end up in my outer circle. What does this have to do with me being sticky? When you come into the inner circle, I will begin my spiral of caring about you. I will ask if you're okay, I will do things to make you smile, and I will fight to spend time with you. And here's where the sticky comes into play, even if we stop being 'friends' I will still care about you. It's just who I am, so from afar or through what mutual friends we have, I will ensure your emotional happiness and security. The same goes for the outer circle, it's just not as intense.
2) I am jealous.
If you make it to the inner circle and you have a datemate, or someone else who gets more of your emotions then I do, I will become vehemently jealous. I require a lot of attention. This attention can be given to me in multiple ways that are not the direct "OMFG besties." You texting me first, asking me questions/for advice, you giving me something (New poem, present, song recommendation, piece of food, hug), and finally just plain attention. So if there is someone else in your life, that's all good with me, but if they get your attention first or more then me, then I get pissy. This is my problem, and it's just sorta who I am, I'm trying to learn how to deal with it better. The thing is, when I get angry about it I come up with little things like "Why didn't you just hug me, hug me and I would have been fine." Or various other phrases. So in that sense, I'm a little high maintenance.
3)I have a habit of changing mood really (really) quickly.
One minute I'm sunshine and kittens, the next I'm a doom and gloom monsoon. This is because my thoughts (and memories) come in at a mile a minute, so one minute I will be thinking sunshine and kittens, the next I'm thinking that all my friends hate me and none of them want to be near me. This ties into jealousy because I need near constant reassurance that you love me and don't want me to go away. Like jealousy, they don't have to be huge things, one of my favorite ones is when Vivian posts pictures of songs that remind her of me. That is one of the best ways to do it, because the song gives the words for you or it's directly related to memories that will trigger a happy mood from me.
4) I can be really (really) ambitious.
When I set my mind on something, it's going to happen. I don't care about the fall out, I don't care about the discomfort I might experience. Because of this and my resourcefulness, I often times cook up some semi- dangerous scenes and sorta demand participation. It always makes for good stories though. This is sorta my bow, because it is a great culmination of all my traits. I demand my inner circle to be apart of whatever the scheme is, I get jealous when they wont, my mood goes dark, and boom angry energy and a seriously intense plan. (This can also go positively which is always nice.)

Now thing is, not all my friends in my inner circle know that they are in the inner circle. Let's face it, the fact that I have a list(circle) of who gets priory of my feelings is kinda exclusionary. So I can't just tell them that they are in the inner circle because that would be shitty of me. This creates confusion, especially when they don't (I don't want to say follow my rules, but it's kind exactly that.) I get grumpy at them. They think they are being terrible friends, and the whole thing spirals into a mess.
This is my public service announcement. This is me and how my head works. I will always love my friends (#1 Sticky) You will inevitably piss me off (# 2,3) But I will always want to have you in my life (#4). I will love all my friends until the day I get left behind, then I'll love them a little bit more.

Song of the day is Vegas by All Time Low 
Go hug your friends and tell them they mean everything.
-xohunter

A Universe, Contained.

High school is often described as its own little world. A micro cosmic universe. Filled to the brim with independent social actions, classes, and repercussions. And high school is its own little world, but it feels more like a world at war.

Whether or not you know it, there is most likely a rumor spreading about you right now. Not all rumors are meant to be malicious, but often times are. I personally know three rumors about myself that are circulating right now:

1. I’m a lesbian (I’m actually pansexual.)
2. I’m a massive bitch (I can be…)
3. I’m P.C.B with my friend. (Amendment to the rumor: actually, it was that we were making out at the Farm Store??? Thank you, Nicole.)

Now, I personally could care less, but let’s focus on the last one for now. My friend (who will remain nameless and descriptionless because they are sensitive about this topic) was really upset about rumor number three. I will admit that I was upset too, though, not at the people who started the rumor or the rumor itself. No, I was upset with my friend. Why did they react that way? It was a stupid rumor made by people who read too far into things.

I spent the day thinking about how to handle this situation. Do I try and put a stop to the rumor, do I continue on like I was never effected? I was at a crossroads; the course of action I decided was to stop being affectionate all together. If that’s where the rumors stemmed from, then we cut the stem. I was planning on doing this without my friend’s knowledge but then, on impulse, I decided to text them everything.

They clarified that it wasn’t the rumor that bothered them, it was the fact that people we had never met decided that would be an ‘okay’ thing to do.

This all ties into how truly meaningless high school is. It’s drama, it’s hardship, it’s repetitive. In a year’s time, the whole experience will be wasting away in dusty scrapbook. Your diploma can’t really open any doors these days, and being in college is expensive. And even that can’t do anything! Being caught up in high school is ridiculous. Why put so much energy into something so fleeting?

But there is something about high school that does matter: good teachers. They care so much about you. They care about your success and your failure. Having a good teacher is having a family member at school, or having someone you can just confide in. Teachers can understand high school drama better than parents, because they live it too. They try their best to guide you through some of the most difficult years of your life.  

(Now I fully understand horrible teachers who do horrible things. Those people shouldn’t be teachers.)

The difference between being a high schooler and being a person is so exponentially vast that you can’t even compare them. As you get older, the two start to blend. You become more of a person and less of a high schooler. You have a life outside of school, and somehow you start to prioritize things differently.

High school is a world of its own, a micro chasm of drama and late work. And sometimes, when you’re in a strange between world, like high school.... Worlds collide.

The song of the day is Far Too Young To Die by Panic! at the Disco
-xoHunter

Lazy.

I've been sitting on this next blog post for over a week so what it contains may no longer be relevant but whatever. I never quite cared for continuity.
So, as they say, on with the show,
"Septemeber 16th 2014
Oh the melodrama.

So, this weekend was simultaneously the most tremendous accomplishment and biggest failure in existence. Spiritually it was fantastic. Revelations and cuddles were abound. In the realm of being dramatic, however, it excelled a little too much.

I’m not going to rehash the drama, as the wound is still fresh and I don’t want to offend any friends or former friends. As it stands, I’m not trying to hurt anyone.

Life is getting complicated this junior year but splendidly so. Being Edwards T.A. is super fantastic and I’m so happy I made this choice. I’m so happy that I made the choice to hang out this weekend, I’m happy that I seem to have freedom. Everything is turning up my way and I feel blessed, and humble. Last year really was my character development year, and now I get the falling action.

Junior year,

Senior year,

Graduation.

I was thinking about time the other day and the way it affects our lives. Danny, Chloe, and I have been friends since seventh grade. Correct me if I’m wrong but I've known them for four years! That’s insane, and I had my third anniversary with Brooke last week. I’m going to be seventeen in a month, next year I’m going to be an adult.

Time keeps catching me and making me rethink things. If you asked me five years ago where I was going to be, I would have told you dead. Now I won’t ever give up, not on myself, not on my friends. I feel like I’m ready, I don’t know how, but I feel like I can take it all this time and shoot it right back out. No power in the verse will stop me.

That’s why the drama isn't so devastating this time. There is no punch, it takes me back a times. Over all I just think it’s stupid. I get it though, it’s high school.

I live in a little bubble, a separate entity from the real world. There are so many adult things that I don’t have to deal with. Like this week, I figured out that a person in my life wasn't a good person (The Drama) so I said goodbye. I don’t think you can do that in adult world. I’ll probably do it anyway regardless. I don’t like rules.

That’s about it, there isn't any real hidden meaning to all this, just thoughts that have come to me as of lately.

Song of the day is Escape by The Kongos. "

Looking back I agree with my whole heart that what I wrote is true. I am confident in the direction I'm heading and in my heart of hearts I know that I will be okay, and I will do the things that make me happy.

The song for today is How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty.

(For a happy blast to the past in retrospect of the future.)

-XoHunter
1-22-15 (January 22nd 2015) A not so happy retrospect from a distant future. 
While everything I wrote here at the time was true, I hate to say it but, things change. There were powers in the verse that could knock me back on my ass like I deserved for being a selfish, self serving assclown. Not just that but manipulative and repulsive. I assaulted someone I called my best friend, literally imposed my will on them and just like the rules state it came back at me three fold. And rightfully so. But like I said, I'm going to be an adult this year, this was a lesson that I needed to learn. I need to change my behavior before I can move forward, and the only way to do that is by looking back and correcting past errors. The drama will more then take you back because the words you get hit with are important ones that you need to hear. You'll learn from it, and come out better on the otherside. Always remember who got hurt for you to learn though, never forget their names and faces.

Friendly Cheek Kisses.

So you may think not getting coffee isn’t a huge thing. Except I live off the stuff. I know my Starbucks baristas so well, I have a favorite. (Hi Simon!) They know me by name and know my current occupation. I complain about chem tests and they empathize. I often think about how insignificant in their lives I am. Just another regular, just another teenage girl getting coffee before school. But they play such a major role in my life. Some days are not as good as others when I don’t get to see them! That’s how much they matter to me.

How could that possibly be? Such a one sided love affair. My days don’t start without you, and yet you simply carry on. Your well oiled machine, pumping out venti iced hazelnut macchiatos (Upside down with seven pumps vanilla) and pastries, continues while I lay gasping for breath. You are my Juliet, my east, my sun! Sweet unknowing Starbucks, I’m sure you never intended for it to get this far, but here we are. I’m coffeeless, and you continue.

And what does that all mean? Look how addicted I am to the stuff. Part company, part delicious monster. Is this consumerism consuming me? Is this what George Orwell was warning us about in “1984”? No probably not, but it’s intense none the less. I’m so starved for the stuff I'm going to try and get something from the vending machine before school starts. I think high schools should have coffee machines for students. It makes sense.

3:20pm

So it’s after school now. Everything has been kinda wonderful. Lot’s of love and happy times. I had Starbucks and a Rockstar for lunch (can you say caffeine?) And Maui onion chips. The reason I mention these is because I got to share with one of my favorite people. Peyton. Tomorrow is looking good too, Edwards, time to work on Nav’s notebook, and a tutoring session with another one of my favorite people. Vivian. Everything is looking really wonderful and I’m painfully excited about that. Nothing ever works on the first try so the fact that this is, is kinda amazing.

(Honestly i just want to make a post gushing over my friends because I adore them so much.) I think this is what I need more then anything, good friends.
So some goals for the year now include:
~Find a TA job so I can not do PE

~Come home smelling like my friends (This one is weird but can be explained in a poem i’m thinking about writing)

~Write more.

~Love easy.

~Let go of the negative.

10:05pm

Honestly, things are so much different at night. I'm so tired right now, but I feel like I have a lump in my throat. I want to love them so much and I can't. I can only love them as much as they let me. And it's just not fair. I need to let the love pour out of me into the world. Let my light out into the earth and the sea.

Song of the day is Centuries by Fall Out Boy

-xoHunter

Two Days Ago.

7:30 am, September 5th, 2014.

Okay blog, time to get real.

This is happening just before school and i’m still kinda rage-y from last night. But I still want to talk about what has been going on the last two-ish weeks because I've been a bit vague. Ipoly is now in full swing and being a junior isn't bad at all. A lot of my more reluctant classmates are getting that too.  

We've had two official weeks of classes. (Though I don’t really count this week because we had Monday off.) My favorite class so far is English, no surprise there. Mrs. Edwards is a fantastic teacher and needs to be experienced by everyone. I’m not failing any classes yet, I understand it’s only the second week, but I've failed faster in the past so it wouldn't have surprised me.

I actually feel pretty content to be honest, the year is looking really bright and I’m feeling confident. Hopefully the trend continues.

Now to get into the dramatastic meat and potatoes. You didn't think that you wouldn't be informed of any drama that did happen right? There is this kid, who won't be named because I’m not here to talk shit I’m here to gossip. Which, yeah, it’s the same thing. But in my defense I’m pretty sure that talking shit is malicious while gossiping is when you don’t want anyone to be hurt.

Anyway.

They have a habit of being overly flirty and they specifically are flirting with someone I care about. Now I told this person to stop because honestly they need to focus on themselves and fix what's going on instead of delving into another relationship.

I don’t get high schoolers. They complain about everything, do nothing, and think getting into a relationship is this magical fix-it-all tonic. It’s not (FYI) being in a relationship just means you have all that drama and all those issues, and now you have someone to be emotionally invested in on top of that? No thank you. Now some of the older readers may be thinking “It’s not like that!” Well it is when you’re sixteen. Because, let’s all face it, when you’re sixteen you’re in a relationship for sex or for the magic fix-it-all. Very rarely is it because you just really like them.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of people who don’t want only those things, but they are totally there.

So yeah that’s what the last two weeks have been like. And, y’know, class stuff.

I’m probably going to add to this throughout the day because I get bored. And i'm staying like 3 hours later then I actually need to. Go drama! (which I’m not technically a part of.) Maybe I’ll actually get ahead for once and have stuff to post. Work out some of those plot bunnies i’m always complaining I never get (but i get them all the time lets be completely honest.)

(In hind sight, I didn't do that)

Song of the day Cardiac Arrest by Bad Suns (Thank you Vivian)

-xoHunter

Puffy stickers and Incandescent words.

Hello.
Today is not about lighting up as much as it's about emotions.
Going to Ipoly you're forced to confront a lot of emotions, some of them very negative and uncomfortable.
Sometimes these emotions can get out of control. That's when the feeling starts. It rises through your gut and into your abdomen and you look like you're going to be see sick but your body is shriveling like it's in a drought.
that feeling is the complete opposite of how life is supposed to feel like.
And I know those feelings and they suck the life out of you.
If you're feeling that it will get better, I don't know how long it will take but it will.
I love you so so much. I only ever want you to feel that sunshine in your veins.
So if your parents suck like mine do: remember it's all going to be over soon, 18 and then freedom.
If your teachers suck: They have sad lives. They are sad people. If you feel uncomfortable or upset, go to your schools office and let them know.
If your friends make you feel like you shouldn't be alive: Dump them. They don't deserve you and you will find people who will.
Everything heals with time, even the deepest of wounds.
I love you so much,
-xoHunter

Sunshine In Your Veins.

There are somethings you just can't explain,
Like the way your heart breaks when you can't spend all your time in your favorite teachers class. Or when you light up when someone thinks of you enough to share themselves. When a friend gives you a muffin or a cookie. When someone you care about deeply, hurts you.
Some of these things make ice run in your veins, so cold that it stops your heart. Tears crystallize and you let yourself become frozen by the bad times.
But those good times. Better then any drug, better then anything. The way it makes sunshine bloom in your veins, snaking its way into your eyes. Making you glow from the inside out. Pure adoration to the world for bringing that person, or that event, into your life.
Like a song, that completely describes how happiness looks, and someone who smells like dreams. All intangible thoughts made possible by your existence.
The world loves you, undoubtedly and wholeheartedly. There is no question in my mind when the wind caresses your face, or the way the birds sing a melody inspired by you. You are the east the sunflowers turn to.
My mind is a garden filled with beautiful flowers I've been lucky to call my friends. I could never imagine in a world not being loved by them, or being hurt by them.
All this has to do with school, there has been stuff going on with the office and stuff, really meaningless stuff that I've let bother me. It has prevented me from thinking of the positive out comes. Even though I might be unhappy momentarily there will always be another good memory that rises with the sun.
I'm so happy I've gotten to meet you. Even briefly between my narrative and your readership. Thank you for being here and experiencing this with me.
I'm so impossibly happy with the state of my life. The people I have the privilege to know, and the people who want to teach me things.
Here's a happy song for you Trampoline by The Unlikely Candidates
-xoHunter

Picking Up.

So I know I said we were going to finish the summer narrative and do a three day recap. As it stands now, I have no desire to do either. Instead I'm just going to pick us up at today. I'll come home and write about it.

Things will eventually pan out, you will get to hear the story of Pre-Week and finish the summer. But I need to focus on the here and now and not dwell on the past.

Hope you understand.
-xoHunter

Of Changes and Update Schedules.

Hello everyone!
So I've updated the blog theme and I've changed the name! The reasoning behind this is; I've started my junior year of high school. I always like to make a weekly/daily/when-I-have-time update of how school is and how I am. So instead of creating an entirely new blog, I've decided that I'm going to just combine the two blogs. This doesn't mean an end to the summer narrative. In fact I already have a list of things I need to talk about (which I'm including in this.) You're not losing any content, you're gaining. I will say that summer updates will take longer to do, my plan is to stock pile them and put them out during the next few weeks. But who knows what's going to happen. I do promise you'll get to hear the end of it though.

But school is a huge part of my life, and a really interesting one to be completely honest.

So I'm going to write (hopefully) the next three summer stories and last three days of school this weekend. So I have a stock pile of summer and you'll be all caught up for next week.
Tonight though I'm going to bed at nine. Because Ipoly eats you up. If you want to know a little bit about Ipoly check here and here. I'm most likely going to be referring to Ipoly like everyone knows what I'm talking about, so if you're new that blog could be your crash course.

Instead of giving you a song recommendation I'm going to link you to a playlist I've been digging.
Here On 8tracks, Mix Maker: Sarkata
It's kept me pumped the last couple of days.
-xoHunter

Summer (An Introductions)

Hey there new person in my life,
So this is my summer blog. A little back story, I'm Hunter. I'm a Junior in high school, sixteen years old, female, living in Southern California. I spend a majority of my time doing something on my laptop, this ranges from blogging to writing to watching netflix. I'm pretty social in the right situations, but I'd prefer to stay with my close friend group and do fun stuff with them. This summer I reformed my view on myself. I took a good look at what made me tick and I kept the stuff I liked (like a hopeful and loving tone and weird facial expressions) and dropped the stuff I didn't (Negative attitude and an aptitude for self destruction.) That kicked off the strange summer of 2014.
I then got really close to a friend of mine named Bobbi. She's an absolute crazy person and I mean that in the best way. She cares and is so knowledgeable about the spiritual world, she was my real life spirit guide. She taught me about the stars and the worlds effect on me and the ways I affect the world. With this new found view of myself I invited Bobbi on an adventure with me.
(SIDE: The reason Bobbi was one of the best choices for an adventure was earlier this year we did a drama festival called Fullerton Festival. I thought this was my last Fullerton, which I will get into on another day, so I was on a mission to get my first kiss. And to ensure I did and to help me find *Him* I brought Bobbi along with me. We we're friends at this point and had several encounters but we weren't half as close as we are now. Long story short, I kissed three people, Bobbi was hit on, and we danced together and met Jesus.)
This was possibly the best choice I've made in my life so far. I did things that I would have never done if I was on my own or with anyone else. She propelled me to try things and to not be so scared. She also taught me a lot about myself. We had some really awesome talks and really cool adventures. And of course along the way we met some really cool people.
There will be a whole post about them soon I hope.
Then we came home, and I was happy and that was not an entirely normal feeling for me (I'm excited to say it's pretty normal now.) And Bobbi invited me to a concert. I'd already seen the band playing but who could say no to another adventure. When we went we met people and had an amazing time. Seriously it was a party in a peanut shell.
And then we parted ways once again. Only to call each other almost everyday and send various correspondences through facebook. On one such evening we decided we wanted to change the world. (There will be a blog post about that too.)
And now summer is ending. I need to finish my Romeo and Juliet summer homework, get school supplies and continue to revamp my style. This summer has been a trip and a half. I'm so happy that it happened, this is my last real summer before I start looking at schools and internships and trying to figure out how I want the next five years to go (I have some idea but....) This summer has changed me for the better and I'm so happy that I get to share it with you.
Okay, that's it for tonight, check back later this week to hear more stories about my summer and be inspired to.... I don't really know, maybe to take life into your own hands.
This blog is a continuation of my old blog Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year. And to keep with the spirit of that blog here's a link to a playlist I made that helps tell the story of this summer.
Love you,
-xoHunter