Of Knitting,Thieving, and Changes.

Hello Internet,

As reminiscent as that statement seems, it doesn't feel appropriate anymore. This site was made to bitch and moan about Junior year. About all the people you meet and the changes that affect life. Somewhere along the way I lost that. So in true Hunter fashion, I've stolen some of Edwards magic and I'm starting over. Abandoning the ship with 57 days to spare.
We all know that I'm changing schools next year, I'm not subtle about it. I was determined to stick this blog out, but I hate it! I hate the posts, I hate the words. This isn't a good space anymore, there is so much spite and pain here now. I want to start over, I want to have a clean slate where the past doesn't affect the present. I'm going to make a new blog, and focus on new things.
I'm going to make this a brainstorm post, and I'll add the url for the new blog soon.

• Weekly knitting pattern
• bigger projects get more time 
• blankets/sweaters/etc
• Fashion
• OOTD(?)
• Current styles I'm loving
• How to dress up a band shirt Saturday(?)
• Quotes!
• Weekly themes that have quotes!
• 5 sentence Life updates
• One paragraph to talk about the big events (daily?)
• Week wrap up
• summary of the week
• pro/con list
• weekend forecast + week to come
• Book club
• monthly book to read
• review of last month's book
• whats on my To Read list

• Sundays for TV and movies
• What shows am I watching
• What did I think of the latest episode
• What movies did I see that week
• What did I think
• Life stories
• only the big ones
• first kisses/family dinners/etc
• Embellishments
• NANOWRIMO
• IMPORTANT NEWS
• whats going on in the world 
• whats important
• how to help
• Story talks 
• what am I working on
• how do i work characters 
• Tuesday is anime day
• What am I watching
• What manga am I reading
• reviews
• what's on my list to watch next

That list is just a few things we can expect from the new space. 

Now I have to figure out what to call it.
UPDATE: It's called Unraveling

Song of the day is Heat of the Moment by Asia
Goodbye old blog.

-xohunter

Living on the Silver Lining.

Hey.

Something I've come to realise in the last three months is, nothing is ever what it seems. I've created my own world, a bubble where the most drama comes from my mother, people aren't mean without a reason, and everything works out. I believe that with all my heart, everything works out. It's come to my attention that not everyone thinks that way. Some people are determined to live through the apocalypse, so they make one.

All the Chicken Littles screaming about the sky and how it's falling. It never falls, crumbles a little bit? Sure, that's what happens when somethings billions of years old, it's bound to get a little decrepit.

What I'm trying to say is that it's never the end. No matter how bleak things may look, there is always a way out. Nothing will be handed to you, but if you believe you'll be able to do great things, you will. You can't control life, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself. Take responsibility for your mistakes, and move on. Ratify them if you can, and keep going.

This is a shorter post than normal because some personal life stuff reminded me that some people need reminding about faith.

Song of the day is Folkin Around by Panic! at the Disco.
-xohunter

Spin.

Being out sick for three days is a death wish, and it's one that I signed.

There are a lot of things going on in the nothing right now. I'm becoming more self aware and I keep finding that I love/hate it. I'm falling more and more in love with my friends, because honestly they are amazing. I hardly deserve their unending support. I think that it something that I figured out, that it is unending. Whenever I think they're mad at me they most likely aren't and I need to stop being so obsessive in that matter.
On top of that little matter, I think I'm starting to figure out what triggers my mood swings and I'm learning to isolate those things and stop them. Hard work, but worth it in the end.
Things feel weird now that I'm encroaching on adulthood. For one, my grades are kinda shit right now, mostly my fault with the hand of fate mixed in. As well as my science teacher making incomplete work a zero. That's really stupid and frustrating because even if I give effort, it doesn't matter because his homework isn't based on effort, it's based on completion. There is very little hope of me bringing those grades up by the end of the semester, as it concludes formally on Tuesday. Whatever, beds made, so I'm laying in it.
I think that's the change, there used to be this rush to make everything perfect and a panic if I didn't have the time. Now it's just acceptance. I fucked up, I'm going to have a hell of a time taking summer school, oh well. I'm kinda hoping mom will let me transfer second semester, I don't think she will. With the grades I have now I won't graduate Ipoly. How weird that I'm not as panicked as I should be.
I'm hoping for the best and throwing myself into making it better. I think if I can pull out second semester with and AP or higher I won't have to repeat the class. Not sure though...

Just updates happening in this post I guess, minor ones.
Song of the day Favorite Record by Fall Out Boy
-XOhunter

UPDATE:
Because of my mood swings and the insecurities I've been having I feel into the trap of being an emotionally manipulative, creepy, horrible, scuzzball.  Honestly I've lynched people for less than the things I've done. And karma got back at me good, and I lost three very good friends because of my actions. They had every right to do this and with the knowledge I now possess, the only thing I can do is plunge into the murky depths of the future with renewed purpose. To never hurt anyone else like I hurt them.
Hard work. So worth it in the end.
I'm adding this onto the post because I think it ties in nicely with growing up. You don't just learn the good things, you learn the bad things too. Now I have a choice, and I'm going to make the right one.
Song of the day Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy.
-xohunter

Drugstore Perfume.(12*10*14)

It started with the slipping.
In and out of consciousness, in and out of dream states. The confusion of what I was hearing and seeing to what I was feeling. Like actually feeling, the cotton sofa cushion from my bedroom on came into clear view when my grandfather was yelling at me to get up and ready for school. Next came the texts from Vivian, those weren't really strange, but the way time moved was. It was fast paced ( I was late and moving as quickly as I could, but still had time to look at the texts and respond?) Turns out I wasn't late at all, I was early? Which didn't make sense, my grandpa even said I was late.

Vivian had unconsciously suggested a setting of intent for the day. She said it was going to be a good day and she was going to have fun. I looked at my sock and noticed a small hole in it, I felt an instant connection and understood that I felt like that little hole. Which was weird, and I decided that was going to be my day. Strangeness because emotionally connect with a sock is a little bit odd. I guess I didn't really know what I was asking for because I got it.
Starting in science. I've missed a lot of school due to sickness and familial issues and stuff, Mr. Pang noticed and was a little upset about it. He quickly changed the subject to that of the test, "You were here to learn everything so I should give you the test," He said, my grades hanging in the balance,
"But I'm not going to, you can take it next week if you tell me right now what day you're taking it."
I nodded furiously and scheduled my make up test for next Tuesday.

Thanking the god/desses of luck for smiling on me at that moment. I took my seat at the back of the class, rapidly copying notes from Bailey in hopes of getting some credit on my notebook. When I look up and see a crow. A little omen maybe? I look back down trying to figure out if I could draw stick figures before third block, when I looked up and there were two crows. Large crows, might I add. Then there were five and they all took flight giving way to even more crows. I stopped counting after 10 but I'm sure there were more. That was odd, I mouthed to Vivian and discreetly motioned to the crows. She nodded and I went back to spacing out.
Song of the day is actually a playlist found on Grooveshark.
-xohunter

Break Time

Hello wonderful human.
So I live in America, home of the capitalist and dirty cop/politician/teacher. We get one week off (depending on your school code or whatever) because some asshole decided to commit genocide on and indigenous population. (Christopher "The OG Fuckboi" Columbus) Now this is not to remember this tragady and promote awareness for the current state of said Native population (Check out this resource pack to educate yourself on their culture this week), but instead it is to uphold the image of the sham that was the first feast with the pilgrims (the 100 British men who settled in Virginia before it was Virginia) shared with their Native friends. When in actuality it was the wise Natives who shared with the European savages who forgot that winter was a thing. They essentially held the Natives at gun point and told them to plant corn. (assholes)

Now that we've established that "Thanksgiving" is fucking stupid, let's continue.

We get a break during this week so we can over indulge on food on Thursday, and then the following Friday spend money to boost the winter sales of businesses. Students know it as the last week before hell. Because, like spring break, thanksgiving break means hellish amounts of work before winter break. I personally don't like to think about it because it's kind of a downer. So instead I spend the week living like I will die the following Monday morning. Exorbitant food, movies, and candy. This year I was also going to try and get a date or two, but I've decided to postpone until further notice.

As it so happens I may acutally get time to update the blog, and depending on my mood, fill in some of the gaps that may have appeared over the course of Junior year.

Also I'm starting the count down until the end of Junior year (I'm going to try and find a widget too).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6 MONTHS 11 DAYS TO GO UNTIL THE END.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's it for me today kiddos, be save this next week and if you're in America, go volunteer and feed the less fortunate.
Song of the day is I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy, And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me by Fall Out Boy
-XOhunter

Feelings to a lesser degree.

Friendship is a weird thing.
You love your friends with all your heart, you'd kill for them, you'd die for them. Sometimes this message gets lost in the sea of tomfoolery that is high school. That is what is happening to me.

There are a few things you have to know about me and how I operate before my take on friendship actually makes sense.

1) I am sticky.
When I get into a relationship of any kind (friendship,mateship, new parental figureship) I will extensively evaluate who they are, what they believe, and how good of a person they are. I normally have a pretty good judge of character so if you pass my test, you are automatically in my inner circle. That being said, my inner circle is relatively small (for me anyway) because the test isn't easy to pass. Most people don't and they end up in my outer circle. What does this have to do with me being sticky? When you come into the inner circle, I will begin my spiral of caring about you. I will ask if you're okay, I will do things to make you smile, and I will fight to spend time with you. And here's where the sticky comes into play, even if we stop being 'friends' I will still care about you. It's just who I am, so from afar or through what mutual friends we have, I will ensure your emotional happiness and security. The same goes for the outer circle, it's just not as intense.
2) I am jealous.
If you make it to the inner circle and you have a datemate, or someone else who gets more of your emotions then I do, I will become vehemently jealous. I require a lot of attention. This attention can be given to me in multiple ways that are not the direct "OMFG besties." You texting me first, asking me questions/for advice, you giving me something (New poem, present, song recommendation, piece of food, hug), and finally just plain attention. So if there is someone else in your life, that's all good with me, but if they get your attention first or more then me, then I get pissy. This is my problem, and it's just sorta who I am, I'm trying to learn how to deal with it better. The thing is, when I get angry about it I come up with little things like "Why didn't you just hug me, hug me and I would have been fine." Or various other phrases. So in that sense, I'm a little high maintenance.
3)I have a habit of changing mood really (really) quickly.
One minute I'm sunshine and kittens, the next I'm a doom and gloom monsoon. This is because my thoughts (and memories) come in at a mile a minute, so one minute I will be thinking sunshine and kittens, the next I'm thinking that all my friends hate me and none of them want to be near me. This ties into jealousy because I need near constant reassurance that you love me and don't want me to go away. Like jealousy, they don't have to be huge things, one of my favorite ones is when Vivian posts pictures of songs that remind her of me. That is one of the best ways to do it, because the song gives the words for you or it's directly related to memories that will trigger a happy mood from me.
4) I can be really (really) ambitious.
When I set my mind on something, it's going to happen. I don't care about the fall out, I don't care about the discomfort I might experience. Because of this and my resourcefulness, I often times cook up some semi- dangerous scenes and sorta demand participation. It always makes for good stories though. This is sorta my bow, because it is a great culmination of all my traits. I demand my inner circle to be apart of whatever the scheme is, I get jealous when they wont, my mood goes dark, and boom angry energy and a seriously intense plan. (This can also go positively which is always nice.)

Now thing is, not all my friends in my inner circle know that they are in the inner circle. Let's face it, the fact that I have a list(circle) of who gets priory of my feelings is kinda exclusionary. So I can't just tell them that they are in the inner circle because that would be shitty of me. This creates confusion, especially when they don't (I don't want to say follow my rules, but it's kind exactly that.) I get grumpy at them. They think they are being terrible friends, and the whole thing spirals into a mess.
This is my public service announcement. This is me and how my head works. I will always love my friends (#1 Sticky) You will inevitably piss me off (# 2,3) But I will always want to have you in my life (#4). I will love all my friends until the day I get left behind, then I'll love them a little bit more.

Song of the day is Vegas by All Time Low 
Go hug your friends and tell them they mean everything.
-xohunter

Feelings.

People will always have feelings.

And ninety percent of the time, they are going to be really freaking intense.

Today was a prime example of emotions being intense and freaking scary. Last night there was a five hour skype session between Cas, Vivian, Danaal, and I. The skype started with Vivian and I, then transposed into a group skype for Danaals birthday. So many things were talked about, from college to career. Relationships happen to come up a lot for us, so that became the topic for a few hours. (I can’t say too much about the inner workings of what happened, but emotions were quite high.) Rearranging meetings, and trying to figure out how to make things work. All this happening at midnight.

After midnight rolled through, I decided I was done attempting to do dishes and  instead went to my room. There we talked more about life and each other and so much about school. People started nodding off around 3AM but Cas and I talked until 4:30 at least. And what did we so happen to center on? Relationships, more specifically my lack of one. I told her that I needed to be set up with some of the kids at her school (because I Poly's dating pool is slim to no.)

All this got me thinking about how lonely I was. I was so happy that Cas decided to keep talking with me. I miss staying up all night talking about nothing and everything. I miss the unconditional trust that comes with it. You say things to 3 in the morning that no one else knows. And Cas chose to let me be her 3AM.

Today (and it was completely unintentional, no one was trying to hurt me it just happened on the wrong day.) Brooke and Peyton accidentally ditched me. And I was shattered. But I just decided that it was okay. Brooke was having exceptional emotional issues and Peyton was just trying to be a good friend to her. And that’s good, having friends that want to help each other deal and figure out how to handle donked up emotions are good. But I wasn’t included in that. I wasn’t her 3AM.

All this got me thinking about how I have no 3AM. I have noone to tell my darkest secrets too and to just breath with. I play that part so often and I don’t want to ask for anything in return, because helping my friends is it’s own reward… But still. A

This isn’t to say my friends wouldn’t be there for me when I needed them, because they are. They just don’t know what to do when strong, dependable Hunter comes crashing down. I always rebuild myself but they don’t know what to do with the rubble while it’s there. But I know that they’d still make a valiant effort to comfort me and make things better. They just can’t.

And that’s so lonely to say.

I was really upset at Brooke for putting her feelings and problems before mine today, and then I felt horrible because that’s not how it’s supposed to be. She needed to take care of herself, Hunter. How dare you try and rob her of that? What makes you think you’re special?

The answer was nothing, and that I was being stupid. Then I got angry. I wasn’t allowed to feel hurt because my friends felt hurt. My emotions hold less value because I have so many of them? Because I have emotions so often? What makes my emotions any less valuable than my friends? Lot’s of questions, very few answers.

Those are my emotions right now. All splayed up on a pretty background. This blog post ends and another will arise eluding to this one. Talking about drama restocked and resolved. That’s all I can do here, there is no pretty packaging on emotions. The paper is crumpled and ripped, the bow dilapidated and missing a few loops. I don’t know when these feelings of loneliness will fade, or what I’m supposed to do with the swirling pit of jealousy that’s breeding in my stomach. Making me dislike everything about me lately. Not physically, but emotionally. Whenever it does go away I’ll let you know if I can.

Song of the day Stage 4 Fear of Trying by FrnkIeroandtheCelebration.

-xohunter

Lazy.

I've been sitting on this next blog post for over a week so what it contains may no longer be relevant but whatever. I never quite cared for continuity.
So, as they say, on with the show,
"Septemeber 16th 2014
Oh the melodrama.

So, this weekend was simultaneously the most tremendous accomplishment and biggest failure in existence. Spiritually it was fantastic. Revelations and cuddles were abound. In the realm of being dramatic, however, it excelled a little too much.

I’m not going to rehash the drama, as the wound is still fresh and I don’t want to offend any friends or former friends. As it stands, I’m not trying to hurt anyone.

Life is getting complicated this junior year but splendidly so. Being Edwards T.A. is super fantastic and I’m so happy I made this choice. I’m so happy that I made the choice to hang out this weekend, I’m happy that I seem to have freedom. Everything is turning up my way and I feel blessed, and humble. Last year really was my character development year, and now I get the falling action.

Junior year,

Senior year,

Graduation.

I was thinking about time the other day and the way it affects our lives. Danny, Chloe, and I have been friends since seventh grade. Correct me if I’m wrong but I've known them for four years! That’s insane, and I had my third anniversary with Brooke last week. I’m going to be seventeen in a month, next year I’m going to be an adult.

Time keeps catching me and making me rethink things. If you asked me five years ago where I was going to be, I would have told you dead. Now I won’t ever give up, not on myself, not on my friends. I feel like I’m ready, I don’t know how, but I feel like I can take it all this time and shoot it right back out. No power in the verse will stop me.

That’s why the drama isn't so devastating this time. There is no punch, it takes me back a times. Over all I just think it’s stupid. I get it though, it’s high school.

I live in a little bubble, a separate entity from the real world. There are so many adult things that I don’t have to deal with. Like this week, I figured out that a person in my life wasn't a good person (The Drama) so I said goodbye. I don’t think you can do that in adult world. I’ll probably do it anyway regardless. I don’t like rules.

That’s about it, there isn't any real hidden meaning to all this, just thoughts that have come to me as of lately.

Song of the day is Escape by The Kongos. "

Looking back I agree with my whole heart that what I wrote is true. I am confident in the direction I'm heading and in my heart of hearts I know that I will be okay, and I will do the things that make me happy.

The song for today is How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty.

(For a happy blast to the past in retrospect of the future.)

-XoHunter
1-22-15 (January 22nd 2015) A not so happy retrospect from a distant future. 
While everything I wrote here at the time was true, I hate to say it but, things change. There were powers in the verse that could knock me back on my ass like I deserved for being a selfish, self serving assclown. Not just that but manipulative and repulsive. I assaulted someone I called my best friend, literally imposed my will on them and just like the rules state it came back at me three fold. And rightfully so. But like I said, I'm going to be an adult this year, this was a lesson that I needed to learn. I need to change my behavior before I can move forward, and the only way to do that is by looking back and correcting past errors. The drama will more then take you back because the words you get hit with are important ones that you need to hear. You'll learn from it, and come out better on the otherside. Always remember who got hurt for you to learn though, never forget their names and faces.

Oh Goddess.

So guess who made two posts and never posted them? That would be me.
Yay.
9/8/14

So, to start, don’t be a dick to your barista. Or any person who gets paid to cook/make something. Just don’t be a dick.

So once again it’s seven and I’m making the morning commute to school. I spoke with BM this morning. You don’t know who that is… I’m trying to figure out how to explain him without giving away who that is. Just in case he reads this. Which honestly I don’t know why but I really am nervous about him reading my stuff. I know he won't judge me, he’ll probably be like “Oh that’s cool.” But still.

On the upside, I got coffee this morning. Starbucks can never hurt me.

I don’t really have much to talk about this morning since I actually went into some detail about yesterday on yesterday’s post.

Fall Out Boy dropped their new single and I all about shat myself. Seriously I’m so excited for the new album.

I’m at a loss for words and that’s new. Normally I have no trouble writing. Although Edwards had said that I need a lot of improvement in my writing (Both description and detail) If she brings back wordsmitten (It was the writing elective I was in freshmen year) then I’ll have a place to hone my skills.

Though I’ve been having some troubles with the fiction tunnel lately. Nothing of substance makes it’s way through and it’s frustrating. I’m thinking about picking up a totally stupid drabble I had going and seeing how I could make that work.

That’s really it for now, I’ll most likely update in ASC later today.

Hey there from academic support. So nothing is happening.

I’m officially no longer in PE and I am now a TA. Which is pretty exciting and kinda funny, I remember being a freshmen and telling Mrs. Edwards how I was going to be her TA. Self fulfilling prophecy.

(I think this was the 10th but I'm straight up unsure???)

Patrick Stump is so fantastic. There is no disputing this. I’m pretty sure that i'm going to listen to centuries until I start dying. I didn’t get coffee this morning and I’m feeling more tired than normal, I slept in till 6:50. That’s not normal for me, even though I feel like I'm dying I normally get up around 6:30. Maybe all that energy I spent on Vivian and keeping negative thoughts out about a certain ginger.

I’ll ask Peyton to give me some today, and I’ll shoot a text to Bobbi asking for some too.

Aside from feeling like death, today will be my first official job of being a T.A. What is a T.A. you may ask? It’s teachers assistant. I’m actually more like the TA’s T.A. low woman on the totem pole as it goes.
I need to find a central theme to today's post (there will be a double post since I was too lazy to post yesterday.) Maybe that’s what today will be about, laziness. It’s a sickness and I have it so very badly. I was messaging Vivian last night, and I happened to say,
It’s literally that I just don’t want too.”

“I still haven’t done Nav’s (Nav is history..)

It’s not even that hard

I could do it in a few minutes.

Yeah. Go team.

I think Movie Night is tonight, even though the title is pretty explanatory, I’ll give you some details. Movie Night is a free event (except the food. You have to pay for food) to help raise a little school spirit. We do little events like Movie Night because we have no sports teams. It’s pretty nice except now we have jocks and no football.

Everything is sorta low energy these days, things are brewing for The Impact. (Don’t ask me what that is, because I can’t tell you.) Everything is leading up to the big event at the end of the road. Which isn't the end at all but the beginning of something.

And now today 9/13/14

Today was basically drama. Bad people, bad friend breakups, it's kinda literally sucked ass. And it's not over yet.

But who freaking cares?

Monday will not be as bad as I think.

Song for today (And last week and again) Centuries by Fall Out Boy, I Like You Better When You're Naked by Ida Maria, Take Over The Breaks Over by Fall Out Boy

-xoHunter

Friendly Cheek Kisses.

So you may think not getting coffee isn’t a huge thing. Except I live off the stuff. I know my Starbucks baristas so well, I have a favorite. (Hi Simon!) They know me by name and know my current occupation. I complain about chem tests and they empathize. I often think about how insignificant in their lives I am. Just another regular, just another teenage girl getting coffee before school. But they play such a major role in my life. Some days are not as good as others when I don’t get to see them! That’s how much they matter to me.

How could that possibly be? Such a one sided love affair. My days don’t start without you, and yet you simply carry on. Your well oiled machine, pumping out venti iced hazelnut macchiatos (Upside down with seven pumps vanilla) and pastries, continues while I lay gasping for breath. You are my Juliet, my east, my sun! Sweet unknowing Starbucks, I’m sure you never intended for it to get this far, but here we are. I’m coffeeless, and you continue.

And what does that all mean? Look how addicted I am to the stuff. Part company, part delicious monster. Is this consumerism consuming me? Is this what George Orwell was warning us about in “1984”? No probably not, but it’s intense none the less. I’m so starved for the stuff I'm going to try and get something from the vending machine before school starts. I think high schools should have coffee machines for students. It makes sense.

3:20pm

So it’s after school now. Everything has been kinda wonderful. Lot’s of love and happy times. I had Starbucks and a Rockstar for lunch (can you say caffeine?) And Maui onion chips. The reason I mention these is because I got to share with one of my favorite people. Peyton. Tomorrow is looking good too, Edwards, time to work on Nav’s notebook, and a tutoring session with another one of my favorite people. Vivian. Everything is looking really wonderful and I’m painfully excited about that. Nothing ever works on the first try so the fact that this is, is kinda amazing.

(Honestly i just want to make a post gushing over my friends because I adore them so much.) I think this is what I need more then anything, good friends.
So some goals for the year now include:
~Find a TA job so I can not do PE

~Come home smelling like my friends (This one is weird but can be explained in a poem i’m thinking about writing)

~Write more.

~Love easy.

~Let go of the negative.

10:05pm

Honestly, things are so much different at night. I'm so tired right now, but I feel like I have a lump in my throat. I want to love them so much and I can't. I can only love them as much as they let me. And it's just not fair. I need to let the love pour out of me into the world. Let my light out into the earth and the sea.

Song of the day is Centuries by Fall Out Boy

-xoHunter

Two Days Ago.

7:30 am, September 5th, 2014.

Okay blog, time to get real.

This is happening just before school and i’m still kinda rage-y from last night. But I still want to talk about what has been going on the last two-ish weeks because I've been a bit vague. Ipoly is now in full swing and being a junior isn't bad at all. A lot of my more reluctant classmates are getting that too.  

We've had two official weeks of classes. (Though I don’t really count this week because we had Monday off.) My favorite class so far is English, no surprise there. Mrs. Edwards is a fantastic teacher and needs to be experienced by everyone. I’m not failing any classes yet, I understand it’s only the second week, but I've failed faster in the past so it wouldn't have surprised me.

I actually feel pretty content to be honest, the year is looking really bright and I’m feeling confident. Hopefully the trend continues.

Now to get into the dramatastic meat and potatoes. You didn't think that you wouldn't be informed of any drama that did happen right? There is this kid, who won't be named because I’m not here to talk shit I’m here to gossip. Which, yeah, it’s the same thing. But in my defense I’m pretty sure that talking shit is malicious while gossiping is when you don’t want anyone to be hurt.

Anyway.

They have a habit of being overly flirty and they specifically are flirting with someone I care about. Now I told this person to stop because honestly they need to focus on themselves and fix what's going on instead of delving into another relationship.

I don’t get high schoolers. They complain about everything, do nothing, and think getting into a relationship is this magical fix-it-all tonic. It’s not (FYI) being in a relationship just means you have all that drama and all those issues, and now you have someone to be emotionally invested in on top of that? No thank you. Now some of the older readers may be thinking “It’s not like that!” Well it is when you’re sixteen. Because, let’s all face it, when you’re sixteen you’re in a relationship for sex or for the magic fix-it-all. Very rarely is it because you just really like them.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of people who don’t want only those things, but they are totally there.

So yeah that’s what the last two weeks have been like. And, y’know, class stuff.

I’m probably going to add to this throughout the day because I get bored. And i'm staying like 3 hours later then I actually need to. Go drama! (which I’m not technically a part of.) Maybe I’ll actually get ahead for once and have stuff to post. Work out some of those plot bunnies i’m always complaining I never get (but i get them all the time lets be completely honest.)

(In hind sight, I didn't do that)

Song of the day Cardiac Arrest by Bad Suns (Thank you Vivian)

-xoHunter

Puffy stickers and Incandescent words.

Hello.
Today is not about lighting up as much as it's about emotions.
Going to Ipoly you're forced to confront a lot of emotions, some of them very negative and uncomfortable.
Sometimes these emotions can get out of control. That's when the feeling starts. It rises through your gut and into your abdomen and you look like you're going to be see sick but your body is shriveling like it's in a drought.
that feeling is the complete opposite of how life is supposed to feel like.
And I know those feelings and they suck the life out of you.
If you're feeling that it will get better, I don't know how long it will take but it will.
I love you so so much. I only ever want you to feel that sunshine in your veins.
So if your parents suck like mine do: remember it's all going to be over soon, 18 and then freedom.
If your teachers suck: They have sad lives. They are sad people. If you feel uncomfortable or upset, go to your schools office and let them know.
If your friends make you feel like you shouldn't be alive: Dump them. They don't deserve you and you will find people who will.
Everything heals with time, even the deepest of wounds.
I love you so much,
-xoHunter

Sunshine In Your Veins.

There are somethings you just can't explain,
Like the way your heart breaks when you can't spend all your time in your favorite teachers class. Or when you light up when someone thinks of you enough to share themselves. When a friend gives you a muffin or a cookie. When someone you care about deeply, hurts you.
Some of these things make ice run in your veins, so cold that it stops your heart. Tears crystallize and you let yourself become frozen by the bad times.
But those good times. Better then any drug, better then anything. The way it makes sunshine bloom in your veins, snaking its way into your eyes. Making you glow from the inside out. Pure adoration to the world for bringing that person, or that event, into your life.
Like a song, that completely describes how happiness looks, and someone who smells like dreams. All intangible thoughts made possible by your existence.
The world loves you, undoubtedly and wholeheartedly. There is no question in my mind when the wind caresses your face, or the way the birds sing a melody inspired by you. You are the east the sunflowers turn to.
My mind is a garden filled with beautiful flowers I've been lucky to call my friends. I could never imagine in a world not being loved by them, or being hurt by them.
All this has to do with school, there has been stuff going on with the office and stuff, really meaningless stuff that I've let bother me. It has prevented me from thinking of the positive out comes. Even though I might be unhappy momentarily there will always be another good memory that rises with the sun.
I'm so happy I've gotten to meet you. Even briefly between my narrative and your readership. Thank you for being here and experiencing this with me.
I'm so impossibly happy with the state of my life. The people I have the privilege to know, and the people who want to teach me things.
Here's a happy song for you Trampoline by The Unlikely Candidates
-xoHunter

Of Changes and Update Schedules.

Hello everyone!
So I've updated the blog theme and I've changed the name! The reasoning behind this is; I've started my junior year of high school. I always like to make a weekly/daily/when-I-have-time update of how school is and how I am. So instead of creating an entirely new blog, I've decided that I'm going to just combine the two blogs. This doesn't mean an end to the summer narrative. In fact I already have a list of things I need to talk about (which I'm including in this.) You're not losing any content, you're gaining. I will say that summer updates will take longer to do, my plan is to stock pile them and put them out during the next few weeks. But who knows what's going to happen. I do promise you'll get to hear the end of it though.

But school is a huge part of my life, and a really interesting one to be completely honest.

So I'm going to write (hopefully) the next three summer stories and last three days of school this weekend. So I have a stock pile of summer and you'll be all caught up for next week.
Tonight though I'm going to bed at nine. Because Ipoly eats you up. If you want to know a little bit about Ipoly check here and here. I'm most likely going to be referring to Ipoly like everyone knows what I'm talking about, so if you're new that blog could be your crash course.

Instead of giving you a song recommendation I'm going to link you to a playlist I've been digging.
Here On 8tracks, Mix Maker: Sarkata
It's kept me pumped the last couple of days.
-xoHunter

Walking Into a Candle Shop.

Hey there!
Today I'm going to tell you the story of how walking into a candle shop might have changed my life forever....

It was 5 o'clock on a Thursday when Bobbi and I rolled into Solvang. We had just finished a week in Pismo Beach with my grandparents and now we were on the second leg of our trip. Four days in the King James Inn, located in the small Danish impostor town of Solvang. The street rolls up in Solvang at five, so satisfying our adventurous spirits was going to be a challenge. I was on a hunt for the Rainbow Tea shop (which I later learned had closed down months before.) My search was looking like a lost cause, so Bobbi suggested we check out some other stores. We found a candle shop that sold little touristy items at extremely low prices. As we were looking around, laughing and being generally exhausted from the drive, a girl with green hair walked into the shop. She looked like she was nineteen and having a bad day. So I called out to her,
"Hey, sorry this may be totally weird, but I really like your hair."
I forget her intimidate response, but somehow we started having a conversation. She said her name was Ari. I took it upon myself to introduce Bobbi and I,
"I'm Hunter, and this is Bobbi. We're girls with boys names."
"Really, like those are your actual names?" Her response was intimidate.
"Yep."
And that's how we continued. Ari and Bobbi had similar taste in music, I had no clue what they were talking about so I busied myself with things in the shop. We stuck around aimlessly wondering and Ari said,
"Yeah this is my first day working here."
My thoughts were, 'Wow, how lucky are we?' I'm not sure if I said it or not, but knowing me I probably did.
Somehow she roped us into buying some cool stickers. And she eventually asked us to hang out after she closed up shop. We exchanged numbers (I fucked mine up by accident.) And that was it.
Until she texted us the next morning.

I was thinking about this today because Ari is now someone I would consider a really good friend. I only knew her for four days, but she's made such an impression on me. I love the fact that I have her for a friend now all because I walked into a candle shop and told a girl that I liked her green hair.

If you want to hear more stories from Solvang, stay tuned because the next installment is coming soon.
Ari showed me some songs today so go check out Big Jet Plane by Angus and Julia Stone
Check you next time,
-xoHunter