Of Knitting,Thieving, and Changes.

Hello Internet,

As reminiscent as that statement seems, it doesn't feel appropriate anymore. This site was made to bitch and moan about Junior year. About all the people you meet and the changes that affect life. Somewhere along the way I lost that. So in true Hunter fashion, I've stolen some of Edwards magic and I'm starting over. Abandoning the ship with 57 days to spare.
We all know that I'm changing schools next year, I'm not subtle about it. I was determined to stick this blog out, but I hate it! I hate the posts, I hate the words. This isn't a good space anymore, there is so much spite and pain here now. I want to start over, I want to have a clean slate where the past doesn't affect the present. I'm going to make a new blog, and focus on new things.
I'm going to make this a brainstorm post, and I'll add the url for the new blog soon.

• Weekly knitting pattern
• bigger projects get more time 
• blankets/sweaters/etc
• Fashion
• OOTD(?)
• Current styles I'm loving
• How to dress up a band shirt Saturday(?)
• Quotes!
• Weekly themes that have quotes!
• 5 sentence Life updates
• One paragraph to talk about the big events (daily?)
• Week wrap up
• summary of the week
• pro/con list
• weekend forecast + week to come
• Book club
• monthly book to read
• review of last month's book
• whats on my To Read list

• Sundays for TV and movies
• What shows am I watching
• What did I think of the latest episode
• What movies did I see that week
• What did I think
• Life stories
• only the big ones
• first kisses/family dinners/etc
• Embellishments
• NANOWRIMO
• IMPORTANT NEWS
• whats going on in the world 
• whats important
• how to help
• Story talks 
• what am I working on
• how do i work characters 
• Tuesday is anime day
• What am I watching
• What manga am I reading
• reviews
• what's on my list to watch next

That list is just a few things we can expect from the new space. 

Now I have to figure out what to call it.
UPDATE: It's called Unraveling

Song of the day is Heat of the Moment by Asia
Goodbye old blog.

-xohunter

Living on the Silver Lining.

Hey.

Something I've come to realise in the last three months is, nothing is ever what it seems. I've created my own world, a bubble where the most drama comes from my mother, people aren't mean without a reason, and everything works out. I believe that with all my heart, everything works out. It's come to my attention that not everyone thinks that way. Some people are determined to live through the apocalypse, so they make one.

All the Chicken Littles screaming about the sky and how it's falling. It never falls, crumbles a little bit? Sure, that's what happens when somethings billions of years old, it's bound to get a little decrepit.

What I'm trying to say is that it's never the end. No matter how bleak things may look, there is always a way out. Nothing will be handed to you, but if you believe you'll be able to do great things, you will. You can't control life, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself. Take responsibility for your mistakes, and move on. Ratify them if you can, and keep going.

This is a shorter post than normal because some personal life stuff reminded me that some people need reminding about faith.

Song of the day is Folkin Around by Panic! at the Disco.
-xohunter

.deep breath.

Whew.

Hey Internet,

I know our last update was heavy, I kinda left you out on the ledge. Hope you can forgive me that indiscretion, I haven't felt like updating until now. Personally, I still don't want to update. I just want to let this thing rust and fall back into obscurity, but who would I be if I let that happen? Plus I have some renewed vigor thanks to the amazing web comic called Check Please! (Please check this out, it has everything you'd ever need, and pie.) The main character Eric "Bitty" Bittle is a vlogger/blogger by trade. He mainly blogs about recipes and any juicy drama going on with his college hockey team. I connect with this character, mainly because I've given myself the small mission in life of documenting my teen laments for posterity's sake.

Now onto bigger news, I'm transferring schools! Yep, that's right it's finally happened. Hunter L. Baugus will be joining normal people school this coming August. Edwards thinks the structure will be good for me, I can't help but agree. With all the freedoms Ipoly offered me it didn't give me the ability to have little boxes to separate work and play. I hope everything goes well next August, my first public school experience left much to be desired. Plus, I now have even bigger targets on my head. The chubby-pansexual-feminist-drama kid. What a nom de plume.

I'm going to start looking for a job soon, it's March, which is a good time to submit applications for the spring season. My stomach churns just thinking about leaving the safety of Ipoly. I'm going to forcefully evacuate myself into the vacuum of the real world. Talk about bad ideas with noble intentions. Honestly the job scares me less than the aspect of having to go through senior year at a public school. I know it's not that bad (and Ipoly was a public school too, a weird public school, but a public school none the less.) I just don't know how I'm going to get along with people that are already there. The usual garbage is floating in my brain "What if they don't like me???!??!!?" Well I already know that some people there are just going to hate me on the spot (if they remember me) so what's the point in worrying, they don't like me anyway.

I like me though, and although we've surly hit some rough patches, I think I'm turning into an okay adult. (Even though I have yet to make myself food, and I'm avoiding my homework because I don't know what it is....) I hope this is the right way to do this.

Okay that's enough babbling for this update, I understand that I haven't really addressed what's been happening in my absence, the answer is confusing so instead I leave you with a playlist (to make up for the missed "song of the day"s.)
The playlist can be found on pucksdaughter at 8tracks
-xohunter

Spin.

Being out sick for three days is a death wish, and it's one that I signed.

There are a lot of things going on in the nothing right now. I'm becoming more self aware and I keep finding that I love/hate it. I'm falling more and more in love with my friends, because honestly they are amazing. I hardly deserve their unending support. I think that it something that I figured out, that it is unending. Whenever I think they're mad at me they most likely aren't and I need to stop being so obsessive in that matter.
On top of that little matter, I think I'm starting to figure out what triggers my mood swings and I'm learning to isolate those things and stop them. Hard work, but worth it in the end.
Things feel weird now that I'm encroaching on adulthood. For one, my grades are kinda shit right now, mostly my fault with the hand of fate mixed in. As well as my science teacher making incomplete work a zero. That's really stupid and frustrating because even if I give effort, it doesn't matter because his homework isn't based on effort, it's based on completion. There is very little hope of me bringing those grades up by the end of the semester, as it concludes formally on Tuesday. Whatever, beds made, so I'm laying in it.
I think that's the change, there used to be this rush to make everything perfect and a panic if I didn't have the time. Now it's just acceptance. I fucked up, I'm going to have a hell of a time taking summer school, oh well. I'm kinda hoping mom will let me transfer second semester, I don't think she will. With the grades I have now I won't graduate Ipoly. How weird that I'm not as panicked as I should be.
I'm hoping for the best and throwing myself into making it better. I think if I can pull out second semester with and AP or higher I won't have to repeat the class. Not sure though...

Just updates happening in this post I guess, minor ones.
Song of the day Favorite Record by Fall Out Boy
-XOhunter

UPDATE:
Because of my mood swings and the insecurities I've been having I feel into the trap of being an emotionally manipulative, creepy, horrible, scuzzball.  Honestly I've lynched people for less than the things I've done. And karma got back at me good, and I lost three very good friends because of my actions. They had every right to do this and with the knowledge I now possess, the only thing I can do is plunge into the murky depths of the future with renewed purpose. To never hurt anyone else like I hurt them.
Hard work. So worth it in the end.
I'm adding this onto the post because I think it ties in nicely with growing up. You don't just learn the good things, you learn the bad things too. Now I have a choice, and I'm going to make the right one.
Song of the day Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy.
-xohunter

The Madness of Two.

Who wants to hear you sing about tragedy?

Words to sum up the last two weeks, yep it’s been another friend dropping, low self esteem nightmare. Detox just to retox has apparently become my banner call. I’m just trying to get by living, doing everything I can to stay alive. Vivian, Danny, and Peyton keep up with the “It’s okay, we’re friends, it’s okay…” They’re right of course, it’s to be expected. I’m not supposed to be happy, I’m the artist. This leads us to some new possibilities.

The second song on Fall Out Boy’s Folie a Deux is I Don’t Care. Maybe that is how I have to go about this, the staggering heights and the hellish lows all culminating into I Don’t Care. Even last night, I felt like I was intruding on someone’s good time, and like I shouldn’t be there at all. There was this weight on my chest that was keeping me from speaking, and gods do I wish that I could have said something. I didn’t run away though, I kept my promise.

That’s just who I am, a person. I ultimately love every part of myself, but I don’t think my friends should have to deal with me like they obviously do. With soft smiles, and mild words. Like you would treat someone who would shatter at any moment. Someone who could be knocked out with a feather.

America’s Sweethearts is next on my list of maddeningly accurate Fall Out Boy songs. Nothing describes me more than “I’m in love with my own sin.” But still it’s the favorite of so many fans, and even the band loved that album (before it got so much hate.) I feel just like it, underappreciated and a little hurt by the reaction to me most of the time. It’s completely understandable though, I live on such a sensitive scale. One gram off, and the whole thing is thrown out of whack.

Essentially I’m trying to say that I am totally the album Folie a Deux.

Which is funny because that’s what the Song of the day is, that whole fucking album. Check it out wherever you can

Folie a Deux by Fall Out Boy.

-xohunter

The Summer Narrative. (August)

I know I promised you would get to hear the end of it, and I'm going to condense it for you, but summer can't relived. It was a magical experience but the more I write about it, the less magical it becomes. So I'm going to stop it here.
The end of it was that I met three wonderful people (more then that but those are the important faces) had some very strange experiences like dining with complete and perfect strangers. Staying out until one in the morning, walking home when I didn't know the way. (I was completely lost and hurt and pissed off.)
Looking at the experience now, I wouldn't change it for the life of me. It was being sixteen and wild and a little bit reckless. And it was truly magic. I saw white rocks and love and spirits. I felt connected and alive. There were people who I still think about, like the little Russian who just wanted to be a hard worker. He loved labor, and it was something that made him feel like a warrior. I met a kid who was trying to figure himself out and be kind to the world and change himself (He was a little bit strange, but it was the strangeness that drew me to him in the first place.)
There was the kind hearted scruffy guy, who was actually one of the people I had the deepest conversations with. He was so smart but didn't ever show it, we saw three baby deer in the hillside while searching for my friend. He kept me company because he wanted me to feel safe. There was the weird kid who fell in love while we were there, and had his heart broken when we left. He was sweet, if only a little naive. He felt like she was impossible, and he was right. I met a young girl who was messed up, but changing (I saw her change too, she's growing up fast.) She inspired me to be myself.
That was the summer narrative, the story was in the people I met and the way we connected in the short time I was there. Bobbi pointed out to me that they all respected each other and tried to be kind, I think that was true, at the end of it all.
Song of the day is Tides by The XX
-xohunter

Drugstore Perfume.(12*10*14)

It started with the slipping.
In and out of consciousness, in and out of dream states. The confusion of what I was hearing and seeing to what I was feeling. Like actually feeling, the cotton sofa cushion from my bedroom on came into clear view when my grandfather was yelling at me to get up and ready for school. Next came the texts from Vivian, those weren't really strange, but the way time moved was. It was fast paced ( I was late and moving as quickly as I could, but still had time to look at the texts and respond?) Turns out I wasn't late at all, I was early? Which didn't make sense, my grandpa even said I was late.

Vivian had unconsciously suggested a setting of intent for the day. She said it was going to be a good day and she was going to have fun. I looked at my sock and noticed a small hole in it, I felt an instant connection and understood that I felt like that little hole. Which was weird, and I decided that was going to be my day. Strangeness because emotionally connect with a sock is a little bit odd. I guess I didn't really know what I was asking for because I got it.
Starting in science. I've missed a lot of school due to sickness and familial issues and stuff, Mr. Pang noticed and was a little upset about it. He quickly changed the subject to that of the test, "You were here to learn everything so I should give you the test," He said, my grades hanging in the balance,
"But I'm not going to, you can take it next week if you tell me right now what day you're taking it."
I nodded furiously and scheduled my make up test for next Tuesday.

Thanking the god/desses of luck for smiling on me at that moment. I took my seat at the back of the class, rapidly copying notes from Bailey in hopes of getting some credit on my notebook. When I look up and see a crow. A little omen maybe? I look back down trying to figure out if I could draw stick figures before third block, when I looked up and there were two crows. Large crows, might I add. Then there were five and they all took flight giving way to even more crows. I stopped counting after 10 but I'm sure there were more. That was odd, I mouthed to Vivian and discreetly motioned to the crows. She nodded and I went back to spacing out.
Song of the day is actually a playlist found on Grooveshark.
-xohunter