Lazy.

I've been sitting on this next blog post for over a week so what it contains may no longer be relevant but whatever. I never quite cared for continuity.
So, as they say, on with the show,
"Septemeber 16th 2014
Oh the melodrama.

So, this weekend was simultaneously the most tremendous accomplishment and biggest failure in existence. Spiritually it was fantastic. Revelations and cuddles were abound. In the realm of being dramatic, however, it excelled a little too much.

I’m not going to rehash the drama, as the wound is still fresh and I don’t want to offend any friends or former friends. As it stands, I’m not trying to hurt anyone.

Life is getting complicated this junior year but splendidly so. Being Edwards T.A. is super fantastic and I’m so happy I made this choice. I’m so happy that I made the choice to hang out this weekend, I’m happy that I seem to have freedom. Everything is turning up my way and I feel blessed, and humble. Last year really was my character development year, and now I get the falling action.

Junior year,

Senior year,

Graduation.

I was thinking about time the other day and the way it affects our lives. Danny, Chloe, and I have been friends since seventh grade. Correct me if I’m wrong but I've known them for four years! That’s insane, and I had my third anniversary with Brooke last week. I’m going to be seventeen in a month, next year I’m going to be an adult.

Time keeps catching me and making me rethink things. If you asked me five years ago where I was going to be, I would have told you dead. Now I won’t ever give up, not on myself, not on my friends. I feel like I’m ready, I don’t know how, but I feel like I can take it all this time and shoot it right back out. No power in the verse will stop me.

That’s why the drama isn't so devastating this time. There is no punch, it takes me back a times. Over all I just think it’s stupid. I get it though, it’s high school.

I live in a little bubble, a separate entity from the real world. There are so many adult things that I don’t have to deal with. Like this week, I figured out that a person in my life wasn't a good person (The Drama) so I said goodbye. I don’t think you can do that in adult world. I’ll probably do it anyway regardless. I don’t like rules.

That’s about it, there isn't any real hidden meaning to all this, just thoughts that have come to me as of lately.

Song of the day is Escape by The Kongos. "

Looking back I agree with my whole heart that what I wrote is true. I am confident in the direction I'm heading and in my heart of hearts I know that I will be okay, and I will do the things that make me happy.

The song for today is How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty.

(For a happy blast to the past in retrospect of the future.)

-XoHunter
1-22-15 (January 22nd 2015) A not so happy retrospect from a distant future. 
While everything I wrote here at the time was true, I hate to say it but, things change. There were powers in the verse that could knock me back on my ass like I deserved for being a selfish, self serving assclown. Not just that but manipulative and repulsive. I assaulted someone I called my best friend, literally imposed my will on them and just like the rules state it came back at me three fold. And rightfully so. But like I said, I'm going to be an adult this year, this was a lesson that I needed to learn. I need to change my behavior before I can move forward, and the only way to do that is by looking back and correcting past errors. The drama will more then take you back because the words you get hit with are important ones that you need to hear. You'll learn from it, and come out better on the otherside. Always remember who got hurt for you to learn though, never forget their names and faces.

Oh Goddess.

So guess who made two posts and never posted them? That would be me.
Yay.
9/8/14

So, to start, don’t be a dick to your barista. Or any person who gets paid to cook/make something. Just don’t be a dick.

So once again it’s seven and I’m making the morning commute to school. I spoke with BM this morning. You don’t know who that is… I’m trying to figure out how to explain him without giving away who that is. Just in case he reads this. Which honestly I don’t know why but I really am nervous about him reading my stuff. I know he won't judge me, he’ll probably be like “Oh that’s cool.” But still.

On the upside, I got coffee this morning. Starbucks can never hurt me.

I don’t really have much to talk about this morning since I actually went into some detail about yesterday on yesterday’s post.

Fall Out Boy dropped their new single and I all about shat myself. Seriously I’m so excited for the new album.

I’m at a loss for words and that’s new. Normally I have no trouble writing. Although Edwards had said that I need a lot of improvement in my writing (Both description and detail) If she brings back wordsmitten (It was the writing elective I was in freshmen year) then I’ll have a place to hone my skills.

Though I’ve been having some troubles with the fiction tunnel lately. Nothing of substance makes it’s way through and it’s frustrating. I’m thinking about picking up a totally stupid drabble I had going and seeing how I could make that work.

That’s really it for now, I’ll most likely update in ASC later today.

Hey there from academic support. So nothing is happening.

I’m officially no longer in PE and I am now a TA. Which is pretty exciting and kinda funny, I remember being a freshmen and telling Mrs. Edwards how I was going to be her TA. Self fulfilling prophecy.

(I think this was the 10th but I'm straight up unsure???)

Patrick Stump is so fantastic. There is no disputing this. I’m pretty sure that i'm going to listen to centuries until I start dying. I didn’t get coffee this morning and I’m feeling more tired than normal, I slept in till 6:50. That’s not normal for me, even though I feel like I'm dying I normally get up around 6:30. Maybe all that energy I spent on Vivian and keeping negative thoughts out about a certain ginger.

I’ll ask Peyton to give me some today, and I’ll shoot a text to Bobbi asking for some too.

Aside from feeling like death, today will be my first official job of being a T.A. What is a T.A. you may ask? It’s teachers assistant. I’m actually more like the TA’s T.A. low woman on the totem pole as it goes.
I need to find a central theme to today's post (there will be a double post since I was too lazy to post yesterday.) Maybe that’s what today will be about, laziness. It’s a sickness and I have it so very badly. I was messaging Vivian last night, and I happened to say,
It’s literally that I just don’t want too.”

“I still haven’t done Nav’s (Nav is history..)

It’s not even that hard

I could do it in a few minutes.

Yeah. Go team.

I think Movie Night is tonight, even though the title is pretty explanatory, I’ll give you some details. Movie Night is a free event (except the food. You have to pay for food) to help raise a little school spirit. We do little events like Movie Night because we have no sports teams. It’s pretty nice except now we have jocks and no football.

Everything is sorta low energy these days, things are brewing for The Impact. (Don’t ask me what that is, because I can’t tell you.) Everything is leading up to the big event at the end of the road. Which isn't the end at all but the beginning of something.

And now today 9/13/14

Today was basically drama. Bad people, bad friend breakups, it's kinda literally sucked ass. And it's not over yet.

But who freaking cares?

Monday will not be as bad as I think.

Song for today (And last week and again) Centuries by Fall Out Boy, I Like You Better When You're Naked by Ida Maria, Take Over The Breaks Over by Fall Out Boy

-xoHunter

Friendly Cheek Kisses.

So you may think not getting coffee isn’t a huge thing. Except I live off the stuff. I know my Starbucks baristas so well, I have a favorite. (Hi Simon!) They know me by name and know my current occupation. I complain about chem tests and they empathize. I often think about how insignificant in their lives I am. Just another regular, just another teenage girl getting coffee before school. But they play such a major role in my life. Some days are not as good as others when I don’t get to see them! That’s how much they matter to me.

How could that possibly be? Such a one sided love affair. My days don’t start without you, and yet you simply carry on. Your well oiled machine, pumping out venti iced hazelnut macchiatos (Upside down with seven pumps vanilla) and pastries, continues while I lay gasping for breath. You are my Juliet, my east, my sun! Sweet unknowing Starbucks, I’m sure you never intended for it to get this far, but here we are. I’m coffeeless, and you continue.

And what does that all mean? Look how addicted I am to the stuff. Part company, part delicious monster. Is this consumerism consuming me? Is this what George Orwell was warning us about in “1984”? No probably not, but it’s intense none the less. I’m so starved for the stuff I'm going to try and get something from the vending machine before school starts. I think high schools should have coffee machines for students. It makes sense.

3:20pm

So it’s after school now. Everything has been kinda wonderful. Lot’s of love and happy times. I had Starbucks and a Rockstar for lunch (can you say caffeine?) And Maui onion chips. The reason I mention these is because I got to share with one of my favorite people. Peyton. Tomorrow is looking good too, Edwards, time to work on Nav’s notebook, and a tutoring session with another one of my favorite people. Vivian. Everything is looking really wonderful and I’m painfully excited about that. Nothing ever works on the first try so the fact that this is, is kinda amazing.

(Honestly i just want to make a post gushing over my friends because I adore them so much.) I think this is what I need more then anything, good friends.
So some goals for the year now include:
~Find a TA job so I can not do PE

~Come home smelling like my friends (This one is weird but can be explained in a poem i’m thinking about writing)

~Write more.

~Love easy.

~Let go of the negative.

10:05pm

Honestly, things are so much different at night. I'm so tired right now, but I feel like I have a lump in my throat. I want to love them so much and I can't. I can only love them as much as they let me. And it's just not fair. I need to let the love pour out of me into the world. Let my light out into the earth and the sea.

Song of the day is Centuries by Fall Out Boy

-xoHunter

Two Days Ago.

7:30 am, September 5th, 2014.

Okay blog, time to get real.

This is happening just before school and i’m still kinda rage-y from last night. But I still want to talk about what has been going on the last two-ish weeks because I've been a bit vague. Ipoly is now in full swing and being a junior isn't bad at all. A lot of my more reluctant classmates are getting that too.  

We've had two official weeks of classes. (Though I don’t really count this week because we had Monday off.) My favorite class so far is English, no surprise there. Mrs. Edwards is a fantastic teacher and needs to be experienced by everyone. I’m not failing any classes yet, I understand it’s only the second week, but I've failed faster in the past so it wouldn't have surprised me.

I actually feel pretty content to be honest, the year is looking really bright and I’m feeling confident. Hopefully the trend continues.

Now to get into the dramatastic meat and potatoes. You didn't think that you wouldn't be informed of any drama that did happen right? There is this kid, who won't be named because I’m not here to talk shit I’m here to gossip. Which, yeah, it’s the same thing. But in my defense I’m pretty sure that talking shit is malicious while gossiping is when you don’t want anyone to be hurt.

Anyway.

They have a habit of being overly flirty and they specifically are flirting with someone I care about. Now I told this person to stop because honestly they need to focus on themselves and fix what's going on instead of delving into another relationship.

I don’t get high schoolers. They complain about everything, do nothing, and think getting into a relationship is this magical fix-it-all tonic. It’s not (FYI) being in a relationship just means you have all that drama and all those issues, and now you have someone to be emotionally invested in on top of that? No thank you. Now some of the older readers may be thinking “It’s not like that!” Well it is when you’re sixteen. Because, let’s all face it, when you’re sixteen you’re in a relationship for sex or for the magic fix-it-all. Very rarely is it because you just really like them.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of people who don’t want only those things, but they are totally there.

So yeah that’s what the last two weeks have been like. And, y’know, class stuff.

I’m probably going to add to this throughout the day because I get bored. And i'm staying like 3 hours later then I actually need to. Go drama! (which I’m not technically a part of.) Maybe I’ll actually get ahead for once and have stuff to post. Work out some of those plot bunnies i’m always complaining I never get (but i get them all the time lets be completely honest.)

(In hind sight, I didn't do that)

Song of the day Cardiac Arrest by Bad Suns (Thank you Vivian)

-xoHunter